A decent break

Adapted from photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

It had been a really bad day. A really, really bad day. A draining, knackering, utterly shitty day, the latest in a string of such days. And next week was only going to be worse. Karen had been so much looking forward to the weekend, to having some small respite in between. So, when she saw what was undeniably blood seeping out from under the toilet door with the out-of-order sign, her instinctive impulse was to ignore it, to leave the problem to someone else. Irrationally, what she felt was not horror, but a wave of exhausted irritation. Why was it always her that ended up having to deal with this sort of crap? She just wanted to go home…

Karen had arrived in to work early that morning, blinking weary eyes that seemed to be crusted with sand. Early as she was, the whole team was there, their tired faces reflecting what she felt. Marvin, in particular, looked pale and drained, ready to collapse. She had shooed everyone out of the building at 2am in the morning, to go and get some sleep, but she had been too tired herself to pay attention to whether they took their laptops with them, and she now suspected that he had worked through the night.

Filing through into the meeting room, the team took their places around the board for the stand-up. There had been no time for a status update when they left, and Karen was desperately hoping that they were nearly done. The demo was planned for Monday, and she really wanted – no, needed – to have a decent break over the weekend. They had been working hard for the last two months, evenings and weekends, with no let-up, and she was at the end of her leash. The demo was of a new travel app, that brought together all sorts of information about your travel location, from history, to weather reports, to restaurant reviews and live events. Karen had built the code to pull all the data together. But the nasty thing about data was that if she had made a mistake somewhere, the code would still give answers. Just the wrong answers – nonsense that would make the client think the app was rubbish. She really needed another member of the team to review it with her. If only one of them was almost finished with their own work… But as the stand-up progressed, her heart sank. Marvin was struggling with the user interface. It was almost done, but there were some nasty bugs that would ruin the demo if they were not fixed, and he clearly needed help with them. Paul had been investigating an innovative new way of visualizing the data as an augmented reality layer on top of the smartphone’s camera image of the user’s surroundings. It was promising, but it still needed a lot more work to get it running reliably. Max had been working on deploying the demo application so that the clients would be able to try it out on their own phone, but had run into difficult issues with the IT department about servers and firewalls. All of them needed more time, but time was running out. Unless they worked through until Monday…

Karen saw her weekend sinking away into a dismal quagmire of work. Again. Yet again. Looking around at the team, she saw the shared panic in their eyes at that dire prospect. Taking a deep breath, she took a decision. They had worked hard enough, and they had accomplished so much. It was time to set some limits. ‘Paul’, she said, ‘your initial work looks really great. But I don’t think we can get it ready for this version. I would rather save it for the next phase, so we can do it properly and really wow them. Can you help Marvin to sort out the user interface issues? And Max, let’s not wait for IT. If you can run the demo in our own environment, we can let the clients test it using our phones. That’s good enough. I would really appreciate your help testing the back end, then at least we know that what we are showing them is right and not some rubbish like last week, when it was suggesting ski runs in the Bahamas.’

She saw the internal struggle in their eyes, their desire to do everything properly, the pride and dedication that made them all such excellent engineers. Then, that conscientiousness gave way under the prospect of the first free time in two months, and their resistance melted away into laughing relief. For the first time in weeks, she saw Marvin’s thin face relax into what was almost a smile. Max nudged Paul with his elbow and whispered something that made him grin. With new energy, the team went to work.

Taking a moment before plunging into the tests with Max, Karen went to the toilet. Victoria was there, adjusting her makeup in front of the mirror. Karen and Victoria were the only women in a department of male programmers, so it was a bit absurd that they had their own toilet between the two of them, while the entire remainder of the IT department had to share just one. Yet, when Karen had suggested making the toilets unisex, the look of horror on Victoria’s face had only been surpassed by that on the faces of the programmers.  Karen had been hard pressed not to burst out laughing, and had dropped the point.

Karen had been the only woman in the department at first, comfortable in the relaxed, student-like environment, where what counted were your interests and what you could do, and office politics was non-existent. Initially a junior developer, she had risen to lead developer of the innovation team, as she had a knack of translating the abstract, handwavy visions they were presented with into concrete, achievable plans. Victoria had joined later, as part of a reorganization. She was a ‘product owner’, in charge of ensuring that the needs of the users were met by what the team developed. Karen had been wary of the change at first, but Victoria had proved to be excellent at focusing the team on creating something that worked for the user. Previously, they had tended to pursue their own hobbies, and, respectful of their expertise, Karen had found it hard to challenge them on that. Victoria’s constant question, ‘Yes, but how does that benefit the user?’, might get a bit grating, but it had transformed the team’s results.

Still staring into the mirror, Victoria asked, ‘How are we doing on the demo?’. Karen answered, ‘We’ll have it done by the end of today’. ‘Really?’, Victoria asked, pursing her lips. Karen swallowed. ‘We have to limit it a bit, to get it done. Drop some nice-to-haves so we can focus on the essentials. But I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results. ‘Hmm’, said Victoria. ‘Well, we’ll see. When can you present it to me?’. ‘End of the afternoon’, replied Karen. ‘Five o’clock?’.  Victoria nodded, returning to her mascara.

The team worked hard, through lunch, grabbing mouthfuls of sandwiches behind their computers. Karen was greatly relieved to have Max’s help, validating much of what she had done, but also spotting and solving multiple bugs that would have been seriously embarrassing in front of the client. On the other side of the room, Marvin and Paul were concentrating hard on the interface bugs, whooping in delight and giving each other hi-fives each time they fixed one.

By 4:30pm, there was a tentative optimism. If Max could just get the demo deployed ok, then all would be well. The whole team assembled round him as he transferred all the new code to the test environment. ‘If this all works…’, said Paul, ‘then I’m going to spend the weekend at a musical festival. Chill out, be with my friends, forget about anything to do with programming…’. ‘Ha’, said Max, concentrating fiercely on his scripts, ‘if this works then I’m taking my kids out for a day at the zoo. They’ve hardly seen me, the last few weeks. Any longer and they’d be calling the postman Dad’. Karen thought about what she would do. Go out walking somewhere, in the woods or on the heath. Surrounded by natural beauty, absolute silence except for birds calling. Perfect bliss. ‘What will you do this weekend, Marvin?’, she asked. A brief smile split the face of the stoical programmer. ‘Sleep’, he replied. Tension built as Max’s screen filled with messages – then jubilation as they all turned green. The demo was installed, everything was ready.

At five o’clock sharp, Victoria came in to see what they had done. Karen eyed her nervously. Under Victoria’s direction, the team had consistently produced what the management – and the clients – wanted. After years of frustration about the efforts of her team going unrecognized, it had been a delight to Karen to see them praised again and again. Then, gradually, Victoria had got more demanding. The deadlines grew tighter, the expectations towered ever higher. Victoria seemed to be under the impression that the more she asked, the more the team could produce – without limit. Karen had watched in concern as the working hours expanded into the evenings and weekends, and her team grew first tired and irritable, then stressed and depressed.

As they ran the demo, she was proud of what they had accomplished. She explained that they had decided to leave out the augmented reality, and to show the demo on their test environment, so that everything would be ready for Monday. To her, that seemed a very reasonable compromise. What they had was good enough to keep the client enthusiastic about the project, and they could fix the rest in the next phase. Looking at Victoria’s face, at the slight line between her eyebrows, she wasn’t convinced that she would see it the same way.

Standing there in the toilet, looking down at the blood, slowly extending in tell-tale crimson trails over the tiles, Karen’s stomach clenched in a mixture of sickening rage and despair. What did you expect? This was what happened, when you pushed people too far…

When the demo was completed, Victoria stayed silent for a long time, seemingly oblivious to the anxious looks of the team. Finally, she spoke. ‘The demo we have at the moment… It’s not exactly what the client wants…’. Karen broke in. ‘The current version isn’t quite what they want yet. But it has all the basic functionality, enough that they can try it out and give us feedback, and we can add the more advanced stuff later’. Victoria frowned. ‘I need to think this over’, she said. ‘I’ll be back in a moment; I just need a comfort break’.

While she was gone, Karen surveyed the apprehensive faces of her team, as they drifted in and out of the room, pacing up and down in agitation. Marvin in particular seemed on the edge of tears. They need a break, she thought. They’ve given all they have. She can’t ask them to do more now…

Time went by, as they waited in suspense. Finally, Max went to see where Victoria was. He returned, his face puzzled. ‘She’s gone!’, he said. ‘At least, I can’t find her anywhere, and her bag and coat have gone from her office’. They looked at each other for a moment, in confusion. Then, as one, they picked up their things to leave. No one said anything, but the furtive, sidelong looks they cast at each other were brimming with rebellion. Watching the team slip out of the room, Karen was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief. Picking up her own coat and bag, she went to the toilet before leaving.

Now, she gazed transfixed at the blood oozing from under the door of the cubicle. Faces passed before her eyes. Paul, his sad look of loneliness as he was forced to cancel seeing his friends again and again, spending solitary nights at home and the rest of the time at the office. Max, face taut with bitterness and guilt as he rang his wife to tell her he wouldn’t make it home in time for his son’s concert. Marvin, thin features getting more hollow and wretched by the day. She slowly turned the handle, and, as she gently pushed the door open, she saw exactly what she had feared.

Despite serious head injuries, Victoria had apparently retained consciousness, and survived long enough to crawl almost to the door, the blood from her head streaming out in a puddle, before finally collapsing and dying. With a shudder, Karen pictured her lying there, perhaps making moaning noises, while the rest of the team was waiting in the meeting room.

She thought back to the two of them standing there, in the toilets, in front of the mirror. Not the first time, in the morning, but the second time, after the demo. Victoria had been contemplative, concerned. With a sinking feeling, Karen knew what was coming. In a futile attempt to stave it off, she said, ‘Wasn’t the demo good?’. Then, meaningfully, ‘The team have worked themselves almost to death on it. They’ve earned a good break’. ‘Hmm’, said Victoria, not really listening. ‘But I really think we need the extras. The new visualization, and it should already run on the public internet’. ‘But those were nice-to-haves’, protested Karen. ‘They’re not essential for this stage. What we have will prove the concept to the client. That’s enough’.  ‘Yes,’, replied Victoria, ’but it would make the demo that much stronger. I think we should just give it that teeny little bit more effort. Work through the weekend, to get it all done. Go the extra mile’.

White-hot fury coursed through Karen’s entire body. She thought of her team, of the fragile hope she had seen in their eyes crumbling away into hopeless desolation as she delivered the news that they would have to work through the weekend after all… She picked up the plumbing tool that maintenance had left under the sink and, as Victoria went into the cubicle, she hit her, again and again, until she stopped moving. When all was still, she closed the cubicle door, and hung up the ‘out of order’ sign that also lived under the sink, as it was needed so often. Tiptoeing out and into Victoria’s office, she had scooped up her coat and bag, then flung them into the cubicle before shutting the door again.

Now, Karen was flooded once more with a sense of protectiveness towards her team, the need to shield them from harm. She sprang into action, pushing aside her fatigue. She pushed Victoria’s body further back into the cubicle, cleaned up the blood by the door with some paper towels, then shut it again and replaced the out-of-order sign. Scrubbing her hands over and over, she tried to reassure herself that it would be ok. With no one else using these toilets, Victoria wouldn’t be found until at least Monday.  With any luck, perhaps even longer. How long do bodies take to smell? Not that odd smells attracted so much attention in the programming department – at least, only from Victoria, and she wouldn’t be there to complain anymore.

Satisfied, Karen left the building. She pictured the members of her team on their way home, to families, friends, sleep. She smiled affectionately. Then, she turned her thoughts to the weekend ahead of her, to wide open spaces, the freedom to go wherever she wanted. At least, for a brief time. The consequences of her actions would catch up with her soon enough. But she had done what she had to do, to take care of her team. And now they would all get what they so desperately needed, time for themselves, a decent break at last.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *